BGC - South Africa

Woohoo!

I've been officially accepted on to the team for the South Africa trip this summer. I got my acceptance letter and all the official stuff yesterday.

BGC

The organization I am going with is called Building A Global Community. They focus their time and energy into helping people around the world who have been severely burdened by poverty, sickness, and lack of education. This primarily happens by providing service to villages and individuals, such as planting gardens and other self sustaining projects, and raising awareness of diseases such as AIDS.

The Skinny

The team of 12 (including myself) will leave for South Africa on July 14th. We will be serving a township called Ga Rankuwa (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ga-Rankuwa,_North_West). Most of the work will be in an AIDS village called Bothsabelo. BGC strives to work within the existing values of the community to foster the concepts mentioned above. We are scheduled to return July 30th.

My Own Words

This trip poses to be a major event in my life. I've dreamed of Africa for literally half my life. I was 15 years old when I first heard God call me to that distant land. It's been a long and odd road since then, but I'm finally here. I know going on this trip will change me forever. And I'm sure at this point my expectations are nothing compared to what will happen there.

I've been on missions trips before. Trips I took in high school, and a few recently with the youth group here at my church. Trips that were focused on Evangelism and proclaiming the gospel. And those were powerful and amazing trips.

This trip to Africa will not be like those trips. It is not a "missions" trip. That does not mean that God cannot, or will not work through and in those of us going. We are going to meet immediate physical needs that will help the people in these villages and communities take care of themselves.

We're going to take care of the widows and orphans.

Which is something the Bible tells us to do. Something Jesus told us to do;
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me
something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in..." - Matthew 25:35


This is going to be an amazing and tiring trip. I get to take a nice video camera with me, and a good digital camera. So the trip will be well documented, and I'm sure I'll be editing promos, a feature video for team members, and other things for weeks and months to come after we get back.

But for me, this trip isn't only about this trip. I know this is just the beginning of my time in Africa. This trip, is arriving soon. Five months from today I will be about half way through this trip. But I have a long road ahead of me.

My Need

I'll be sending out letters, starting this week, and trying to come up with any other ideas I can to raise money. I know I will not raise it all on my own. I know that God will provide what I cannot.

The trip is $3,800. I have already made a dent in that with my $300 deposit. So I've got $3,500 to go. That is nearly 2 months wages for me, and half a month of work missed to go. This money provides travel costs to and from South Africa, and travel once there. It will also purchase some of the supplies for our projects.

We will be doing a few "group" fundraisers, but I also need the support of friends and family. Any donations made will be tax deductible. All funds will be directly impacting the life of someone in Bothsabelo and Ga Rankuwa. It will most definitely be impacting mine as well. If you would like to donate, or have ideas for fund raisers, please email me at: odincreed@hotmail.com or right here on FaceBook.

Prayers

I know times are tight with money. So I know that many of you won't be able to make any financial donations. So now I as for something more valuable than money, and that is prayer. There is nothing like knowing that there are many other Christians lifting you up in prayer.

Specific things to Pray for:

1) Jen Flemming and Angela DeCrane: these girls are the founders of BGC, and our Trip Leaders. Pray for them as they travel and speak, for safety and blessing. Pray that they accomplish all that is before them and that they are refreshed and ready to lead the team.

2) Fundraising: For myself, and all the team members.

3) Protection for the travel to and from South Africa. And our day to day travel. Each day will be at least a 2 hour round trip.

4) Documents – Political/Legal things: please pray that everyone, and all the supplies that we are taking be protected. That all our paperwork and things of that nature be complete and readily accepted.

5) Attitudes and Hearts: Not everyone going on the trip, will be Christian. Please pray that myself, and the other believers will be able to share the love of Jesus with them, and that he would bring them to salvation.

6) The people of Ga Rankua and Bothsabelo: please pray for their protection, and that during our time there we could share the love of Jesus with them. To let it be seen in the work we do each day, and in the laughter and tears that will be shared. That God would prepare their hearts now, for what is to come.

7) Changed Lives: for me, the rest of the team, and the people of South Africa

You

I want to thank you now, for any still reading this long post. As I said, I know times are tough and money is tight. If you can, thank you! Every dollar helps. If not, I thank you for you prayer support.

I will be giving full updates as things progress up to July 14th. Then I'll tell you all about the trip when I get home.

Thank you so much for reading this. I'll be posting Video Journals weekly up until we leave! Check back to hear the latest!

For more info feel free to email me: odincreed@hotmail.com

Or check out BGC's website: www.buildingaglobalcommunity.com

Thanks again...so very much,

Jesse

Haiti - We Love a Good Disaster Don't We?

Massive Earthquake

Total Devastation

Thousands Dead

These are the headlines and taglines of the major news networks right now. There is something deeply wrong in our society. Not just our society, but in us as humans. It's often dismissed as "morbid curiosity." We are drawn to the macabre, and repulsed by it at the same time.

I experienced this personally on Tuesday night. I broke away from watching the news with the Deeters, (who have a vested interest in Haiti, their 2 adoptive daughters live there, waiting for the adoption to finalize.) I went to my room and watched "Fame." I won't go into details, but toward the end, one character prepares to throw themself infront of a subway train, because they didn't get something they worked very hard for. And I was there waiting for it to happen.

Perhaps I'm just morbid, but I don't think it's just me. Because the film makers wouldn't have set up the scene the way they did if only a few people reacted the way I did. They hook you with this characters horrible news, something that destroys the years they have spent working toward this moment, only to have it all ripped away from them, with no hope for it to be repaired. He steps slowly to the yellow line on the edge of the platform, tears in his eyes, hopeless. The train rolls loudly down the tunnel, the light flares, one of his friends sees him, realizing what is happening, and calls out his name. The train roars as the angle cuts to an overhead shot. And we are left wondering...what happened? Did he do it? Well of couse he did it...there was nothing for him to live for...it was dramatic.

The train passes, and we see him, on the ground sobbing, his friends had pulled him back. I will be honest. I wanted him to die. Ok, not really, but the mood, the drama demanded it. Tragedy, it draws attention like nothing else. Don't believe me? What news stories pop in your mind the fastest? What events are discussed around the office water cooler, the lunch table...the dinner table?

Tiger Woods. Brittney Spears. Unfaithful Politicians. Celebrity Sex Scandals and so on. Have we become so numb inside, or so selfish, that the best way for us to feel pain is to watch it through someone elses eyes?

When Katrina hit, so many people had an oppinion and something to say about it. It was of course President Bush's fault. He planned the city's design after all. He was the one who regulated the levies and all of that. And the hurricane of course was his fault, he was out fishing on his golden plated yacht, and sneezed in the general direction of New Orleans.

I hope you felt the sarcasm there.

But he took a lot of blame. And perhaps some of it was warranted. Perhaps not. Fact is, everyone wanted to jump in and point blame, while others flocked to the city to help. Celebrities...you don't need to make tv specials, and news exclusives about your tour of the destruction. You don't need to dress in sober colored clothing, and wear your not so bling jewelry, driving around in your Escalades to bring awareness.

We knew. Everyone knew.

It's happening again in Haiti. Non-stop news coverage of this disaster has finally changed our focus off Tiger Woods. Because this is worse. Not only was a family torn apart by adultery, but now there is death, destruction, looting, and more. More adjectives, more tragedy, more suffering. And we feast on it like chum in the water.

Please don't misunderstand me, as I'm about to make my real point.

Natural disasters have been called, "Acts of God," for who knows how long. I do not like this phrase. Not one bit. It calls upon the name of God as one who is doing something horrible, when there is no one else to blame. Bush obviously did not cause Katrina. Just like the leaders of the nations destroyed by the Tsunami a few years ago did not cause it. No one in Haiti caused the earthquake.

So it must have been God.

Wrong. While I'm not saying God couldn't have caused it, everytime we see devestation wrought by the hand of God in the Bible, there was a chance, a warning to the people targeted, to repent. To seek forgiveness and turn from sin. Usually these people were utterly wicked, and knew that they were warned. Like Sodom and Gomorrah. God sent his angles, and Abraham pleaded to spare the cities for his nephew was there. They were warned, and choose not to repent, and were destroyed.

Jonah, hundreds of years later, was sent to Ninevah to warn them. He didn't want to go, so he fled. He was nearly killed running away from doing what God told him to do. So he went, and warned them of what God would do to them if they didn't repent...and you know what happened...they did, and God turned aside his wrath. Jonah didn't. He pouted that God didn't destroy the city. Until God gave him a spiritual kick in the backside.

If blame must be lain upon natural disasters, then we must blame, Sin. For it was after Adam and Eve ate, and sinned that this sort of suffering entered the world.

Jesus does speak of things like this happening as a sign or the "birthpains" of the eventual tribulation, as he called it. It's found in Mark 13:7-8

"When you hear of wars and rumors of wars, do not be frightened; those things must take place; but that is not yet the end. 8 “For nation will rise up against nation, and kingdom against kingdom; there will be earthquakes in various places; there will also be famines. These things are merely the beginning of birth pangs."

They are only the beginnings of birth pangs. I've never, nor will I ever give birth. I do have an vague understanding that birth pangs...are not the actual birth itself. And the beginnings of them are, as I understand, not as severe, or intense as the later ones. Nor as difficult as the birth itself.

And if wars, earthquakes, and famines are only the begging of the pains...the media will go blood drunk on the actual birth.

What has happened in Haiti is a tragedy. It is always sad when lives are lost. Especially in a country already suffering in poverty. But there are many already there, and some on their way who would help the people of Haiti. Many are Christians, some are not, who seek to bring relief and hope to the people of that nation. With this event, many more eyes will see and be opened. Hearts will be called, and many will never be the same, those affected by the quake, and those who go to help.

So if your heart is pulled to go, and you can, then go. If you cannot, there are many organizations and ministries that would appreciate your prayers and donations. The real tragedy would be if people who are called, do not answer.

Again, please don't misunderstand, I am in no way saying Haiti deserved this, or that God did this to them.

Bad things happen.

Good people happen next.

Or that's what should happen. If they can't get there before the bad happens. Every little bit helps, so say a prayer, send some money, or clothes, or water...do something. Do something other than watch the news and think, "That's awful. I wonder what's for dinner?"

What Dreams May Come...

Ok, it's been a while yeah? Well, new posts and thoughts and the like are coming...soon. ish.

2009 was a crazy year. But aren't they all? Or at least appear to be when you look back over the 12 month smudge that will soon be referenced in your musings and ramblings about your past exploits...or lack there of.

I'm not going to sit here and ramble on about all the things that happened in '09, or what I want to happen in 2010. And I'm of the "Twenty Ten" persuasion, incase you were wondering.

But there are somethings I'm greatly looking forward to in 2010. Well, one in particular.

South Africa.

I'm finally going. I don't have my passport or ticket yet. But it's all in the works, or will be shortly.

Some of you know this story. Some of you don't. So for those who don't, I'll regale you with the tale.

Once upon a time...

I was 15. Yes, literally half my life ago. I was sitting in the "classroom" off the gym at CLA. (For you CLA folk, it was the one that had the soda vending machine.) Pastor Jamie was teaching our high school Sunday School class about Revelations. Someone asked the "how will everyone know?" question. And he talked about increasing numbers of missionaries, and technology etc. I believe he said something like, "perhaps even some of you will be part of that, going into the jungles of South America, or wherever." Or something to that general effect.

Something struck a cord in me. Mentioning "jungles of South America" made me thinkn of a movie I had just seen, "Medicien Man," with Sean Connery. And that coupled with my growing love for all things Africa birthed an idea. This idea was followed by a deep longing in my heart to go to Africa...which I soon realized was my "calling."

Now, I planned and schemed on how this would happen. And that makes me think of the saying, "What makes God laugh?...."Our plans." I meant well, and wanted to do his will, but "I" was leading the way. Made choices. Did deeds. And a few short years later I was completely lost. Living for me and no one else. Africa had become a distant memory...but deep inside my heart, the drums still called.

About 10 years passed from that Sunday untill I arrived at my current church, and about a year since I rededicated my life to Jesus. In the first few months their, there was an alter call of sorts, and God revived my calling to Africa. And it felt stronger than ever. There was a group from our church, well two women from our church, who started an organization called "Building a Global Community." And they had a trip going to South Africa. I was excited. But it wasn't yet time for that. I soon got involved with the youth group, and that was where I felt God wanted all my spare attention.

Well, about 3 years after starting with the youth, I had a conversation with the girls from BGC, Jen and Ang. They asked me again if I'd consider going in 2010. I thought about it, and the block in my heart that had told me to focus on the youth group, wasn't there. I suddenly got very excited in my heart. Then I heard the price, and was almost quenched...but God lifted me up. It's only money, and that can be raised, saved, earned.

So, I will be filling out an application this month. Starting the passport process, and saving for this trip.

I'm finaly on my way.

I know in my heart that this will be the first, and hopefully shortest trip I ever take. But that is where I've felt God calling me to. I know this is now the right time to start. So, friends who pray: please begin to pray for me, the leaders, and the rest of the team that will go. That our hearts will be in the right place, and that the people we will minister to will be open.

This isn't a typical missions trip, with services and programs. We will be living in the villages with the people, helping them build gardens, chicken coops etc. We will witness with our lives, and share the love of Jesus with those we meet. And teaching about the prevention of disease, etc.

Also, please be praying that I, and each member can raise the money we need to go. It's about $4,000. Which covers our travel, food, and accomodations for the 2 weeks, and some of the materials we will be taking. This is just the rough estimate. If any of you are able/willing to donate, send me an email and I can provide you with the info to do so.

But mostly, pray.

Thanks for reading, and I will keep you updated on this as we go along, and hope to post some other interesting things of the "usual" nature as 2010 progresses.

Good luck, and Godspeed!
-Jesse

Perfect

per⋅fec⋅tion – noun

1. the state or quality of becoming perfect.
2. the highest degree of proficiency, skill, or excellence, as in some art.
3. a perfect embodiment or example of something.
4. a quality, trait, or feature of the highest degree or excellence.
5. the highest or most nearly perfect degree of a quality or trait.
6. the act or fact of perfecting.


Perfection. It is something that many of us seek after. The perfect school, the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect spouse, the perfect car, the perfect house...

The perfect life.

But perfection is an illusion. An indulgence that much of the world does not share in. At least the perfection that society and the world try to push us to achieve. The ideals of our culture (at least in America) is that we have to be the best, demand the best, and only expect the best.

Our food must be brought out in prompt time, exactly how we ordered it, or we are miserable, complain, and short the waiter/waitress of their tip. Then we will complain to our friends how horrible the food and service was.

Meanwhile, in an orphanage on the other side of the world, the children on the even numbered floors don't eat today, because there isn't enough food. Perfect.

We sit in our temperature controlled cars, stuck in construction traffic for an extra five minutes on out way to some a game or movie. We complain about it because now we missed the tip off, the opening scene, or worse yet...the previews...

Meanwhile, somewhere in Africa, a little girl walks miles, barefoot, to find water for her little brother. And when she gets it, it's filthy. Perfect.

Our youth dress in only the best clothes. They become obsessed with their appearance. Guys focus only on the body, while girls wear things too short and too low, because it's "cute," and all the boys stare. Then they will complain that this boy didn't pay attention, or that girl didn't notice.

While in Europe, young women disappear, or are sold by their parents into the life of a sex slave. Forced into becoming drug addicts so that they will sell their bodies for another hit. Perfect.

We have deluded ourselves, or worse, allowed ourselves to be deceived into thinking that if everything looks ok, if everything is clean and shiny in front of us...all is right with the world. We have the perfect job, the spouse, the clothes, the house, the kids all of that.

But what isn't seen, is the pain and hurt your wife feels because you work long hours and spend no time with her, and you are thinking about that attractive woman at the end of the bar. Your son is suicidal ready to end his life because expectations are so high, and it'd be easier to just not exist. Your daughter is thinking of sleeping with some guy at a party just because she thinks that is what will make her cool. She doesn't even know his name. Perfect.

Our culture, our society, or government is even telling us that we can achieve this goal of perfection. Lies. Because their view of perfection is self-serving.

We will never be perfect if all we strive for is to make ourselves look, feel, be...better.

Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was. The greatest idea in the Law. What he said, was not what anyone expected. He said:

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

God first. Others second. How?

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Most times, when the Bible speaks of perfection it is in the purity of God, his plans, or what Jesus has done and will bring. But we are challenged to be perfect like our Father is perfect.

You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Again we are told to love our enemies. Not just those who are good to us. Because everyone is good to those who are good to them. We are called to be different. To strive for a different kind of perfection. Not in our stuff, or appearance...but in our love. God lets the sun shine on the good and bad. We need to be nice to our friends and those that are not friendly.

Don't look to our leaders, or our celebrities, gurus, or Oprah to tell you how to be perfect. Look to Jesus. He didn't drive around in best chariot or wagon of the day. He hoofed it on foot. He didn't keep the rich and famous as his disciples. He hung out with smelly fishermen and tax collectors. But his humble surroundings weren't all he did. He looked after the sick and dying. Sheltered the orphans and widows. He challenged the concept of the day that praying loudly in public for all to hear, with praying quietly, simply and alone so as not to boast.

I'm not saying stuff is bad. A life focused on stuff is. It's ok to take care of yourself, but you should also be taking care of others. What can you do today, this week, to help someone else?

Perfection of any kind comes with a price. Most forms of it are not worth that cost. But know this, Jesus already paid the ultimate price. What we endure in serving him, in trying to be like him, we should count as a blessing...for then we know we are doing it right.

Let us give up our perfection, and seek after His.

Nothing Else Matters

Nothing Else Matters


What is that something that makes nothing else matter?

Money? Success? Fame? Stuff? Power? Freedom? Relationships?

This list could go on and on. But think about it, what is the one thing that matters most to you? Is that one thing really worth all your effort and time? Maybe it is. In all honesty for a lot of us, it probably is not.

I'm trying to make that one thing, love. It's taken a long time, and I'm not saying I'm there or I have it down, but my life has changed since I allowed God to work that concept into my heart. And this isn't some concept coming from me. The Bible tells us how important love is. Look at 1 Corinthians 1-3

1 If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing. 3 If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.

Paul says a few specific things about what we are if we don't love others: a "noisy gong," a "clanging cymbal," and the most potent, "nothing." The deed in and of itself does not matter. "If I gave everything...to the poor...but if I didn't love others, I would have gained nothing." He said even if he possessed all knowledge, and knew all of God's plans, he would be nothing. Because wisdom alone is just wisdom. Knowledge of God alone is meaningless with out love.

Look at Jesus' response when asked what the greatest commandment was (Matthew 22:37-40)

37 Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments.”

The entire law and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two. And both start with Love. Love your God. Love your neighbor. Not suggestions. Not things that might be a good idea. These are commands. Imperative directions. An order.

Ok so I think we can proceed with that established. We are to love God with heart, soul and mind. Next we are to love our neighbor as we do ourselves. The knowing of this is different than the application or understanding of it.

First off, what is love? (cue music) Now that the song is out of your head...we stumble into a beehive of interpretation. Poets, authors, musicians, artists, and many more have tried to define this allusive concept since the beginning of time. Paul the Apostle puts it simply thus, "Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

Many would call love an emotion. I think too often love is reduced to merely an emotional response. But it is more than that.

Love is a choice.

A decision to act. It may not be a logical response. But love is not logical. True love is not simply a romantic feeling that can change when your feelings are hurt, "love endures through every circumstance." The thing love has been reduced to would say differently. That false degenerated version of love would tell you to seek revenge on some one. To make them feel what you felt. Love based on how someone makes you feel, fluctuates as much as your feelings toward that person do. That is not love. That is a fickle fluctuation of feelings. Love is stronger than that.

You've been hurt by someone you love. You still love them. You don't try to make them hurt too. That is vengeance. And that is for God.

Love doesn't bow out at the first sign of rough weather. That is not love, that is convenience. It's easy to love someone if they are always around. Always giving you the attention you seek from them. Love will ride out the rough times. Love will give of itself to help the other instead of seeking returns.

Love is not what we see portrayed in most movies that claim to be about love. Love is not sex. Love is not teddy bears and candy. Love doesn't quit. We do.

When we don't feel love for someone, it's because we've stopped viewing it as a choice, and it is based on their reactions toward us.

He lied to me, but I choose to love him anyway.

She cheated on me, but I choose to love her anyway.

They sabotaged my plans, but I choose to love them anyway.

Again this could go on and on. But how does this apply to God, to Jesus? How do we show love to someone who is not physically with us? I've been blessed to learn about this over the last few years.

I think in a way God has used a certain friendship to teach me this. Again, I'm not claiming I've got it all down. I don't. But I have learned some things, and I'm still learning. Love can be expressed in many ways with out having to be in the same place. Can we not love with words? Actions? Patience and understanding? Can we not love with out expecting to be loved in return. Love is not a two way street. True love goes from one person to the next. Regardless of how the other person feels. It feels better to us if they love back, but that is their choice to make.

Love should be seen a lot like Faith and Hope. They are grouped together by Paul, and Love is called the greatest. Faith and Hope are not dependant upon seeing something physically with our eyes. Why should Love be different? The answer is that we have been taught that love is not love unless it is reciprocated, and we can see it.

How many of us have heard, or even said, "If you really love me...show me," or some variation of that? Apart from the Bible telling us God loves us, have we not already seen the ultimate show of love in Jesus? His whole life on Earth was the greatest expression of love. He crossed over from Heaven to live within the limitations of a human body, the flaws, the pain. He lived a normal life. He went to school, ate lunch, probably smelled from time to time. Then when he came of age, he went around to the lame, the blind, the demon possessed and healed them. People no one else wanted to have anything to do with.

Depending on your views on how he grew up, he even picked his disciples from guys who didn't make the cut. Rough blue collar salt of the earth working men to be is core group. He would go on to do everything backwards to how society saw it. And his motive was love. God loved us so he sent his Son. His son lived out that love. And ultimately he died to restore us to the love of God. Something that had been broken since Adam and Eve at from the tree.

While I've never spent time with Jesus, in person. I know he loves me. And because I know that, I know God loves me. And I choose to love Jesus, to love God. How do I show him I love him? By loving others. This, I think, is how the two commands Jesus gives go hand in hand. We give our love to God in spending time worshiping Him, in all aspects of worship, and by loving others. John 13:35 says this:

35 “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Jesus died for us so that we can live for him. In living for him, we are given opportunity after another to show love. Sometimes we get it right, a lot of times we mess up. But we can change that. If we focus on God, loving him, getting to know him by reading scripture, praying, being still and listening instead of just asking him for things, we will learn more about love. And in doing that we can show that love to others, and they will know that God loves them.

One of my favorite books is "The Black Cauldron" by Lloyd Alexander. There is a passage in that book where a man, who appears to be wise beyond his years speaks of love. He says: "Indeed, the more we find to love, the more we add to the measure of our hearts." This reminds me of a verse in Phllippians (4:8-9)

8 Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. 9 The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.

How I take the verse and quote is like this. The more we think on good and pure things, the more we find to love, the more love we have in our hearts to give. The more love of God we have to share to others. If we find the beauty to love in a leaf, or pebble, things God created, we can see his love for us in all his creation, we can find an infinite source of love to draw upon to share with others. And in that we will find peace, no matter the situation.

So for me, the thing that makes nothing else matter is love. Not just romantic love, but Godly love. Without it, without Him, everything I do is nothing. Static noise. So I pray that I may love more fully those around me, and love God with a choice rather than a reaction for what he has done.

Black Holes of Expectation

ex-pec-ta-tion – pronounced [ek-spek-tey-shuh n] noun
1. the act or the state of expecting
2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating
3. an expectant mental attitude
4. something expected; a thing looked forward to

Who among us has never had an expectation for something? Oh, you in the back, with the Flock of Seagulls hair, yeah...they aren't coming back...so you can put your hand down. I know one thing that many guys and some girls around my age had expectations for about 10 years ago. Episode I. That's right Star Wars.

We grew up with the "Original Trilogy" as it's now called. We knew that Darth Vader was really Anikin Skywalker, and that he was once good. And many of us couldn't wait for Episode I when we'd start to see his back story and how he became one of the most heinous yet sympathetic villains of all time. News and rumors were circling in '96 and early '97. Eventually we got a trailer who some friends of mine paid to see "Meet Joe Black" twice just so they could go back in and see the teaser again. (No it wasn't me.)

I was excited though. I blew all the money I got from selling my text books back at the end of the semester on Ep. I figures. I went home from college, nearly 20 years old, with giddy hopes of an epic adventure. I remember running into a friend from high school at the food court who had seen an advance preview, jokingly he said he wept it was so good. I even skipped a youth event to go see the opening night with my brother from another mother Shawn. We stood in line watching people dressed up march around, waving our own Qui-gon Jin lightsabers around like the geeks we were...are.

We went inside, the theater darkened...when "Lucasfilm" dissolved onto the screen the place went up in a roar of excitement. Then the yellow crawl...and the adventure began...

Two and a half hours later we left. I remember being excited and thinking it was well worth the wait. Jar Jar hatred didn't exist yet and there was the promise of 2 more movies.

It now appears I was one of few my age who actually enjoyed that movie. After 20 years of no new Star Wars...(now I come to it) expectations were very high. Many people were left disappointed. Slowly I started to hear about Jar Jar, and the kid ruining the movie and so on. The movie wasn't ruined, but many people's expectations were.

For something like Star Wars expectations built over a long time. Expectations built up over a long time, or with intensity have a way of overpowering the thing that is expected. So that when fruition finally comes we are left sorely disappointed.

Another example is the current President of the USA. For many people Obama carried many expectations. Expectations they are realizing he is not living up to. There has been no great change. What hope has been presented when so many struggle to keep gas in the car and food on the table? I'm not saying this is the President's fault. But, the expectation for these were high, and they are not being met.

So many times expectations can lead us into black holes of disappointment, regret, and even depression. Unmet expectations can destroy a life. Rather, unmet expectations if given enough importance, can destroy a life. For our expectations have no more weight than what we give to them.

Personally I have had many expectations in life from movies to relationships to experiences that have not lived up to what I wanted. This can be said of my relationship with God too. How many time have I been encouraged to "expect something from God," and not seen delivery?

That is not indicative of how God responds to me. As I may have thought at the time. It is how I approach God, and expect from Him. When things are all about ME and what I want, I should expect to be disappointed!

I think we need to replace Expectation with Hope.

I'm of course referring to bigger things in life than movies now. Hope has, despite recent campaign slogans, taken on a feeble and weak minded overtone in today's society. We hope the line isn't long at the deli counter, we hope the birthday card gets there in time...we hope for trivial things.

1 Cor 13:13
"And now these three remain: faith, hope and love."

Hope. There it is right in the middle of Faith and Love. Hope is more than just a spiritualization of a wish. It is a pillar for Christians to lean on. Faith is complimentary to faith.

Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for, and certain of what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for."

It is because of the hope that faith can be sure. The ancients here are the Hebrews being led out of Egypt. They hoped for years to be freed. And they were. Their faith was proven. Their children hoped to enter the Promised Land, and they did. Their faith was proven. This continues throughout history.

Hope is so important, and more satisfactory to the soul than expectations. Expectations can be missed. Hope keeps going. There is no end to hope but what you give to it. Expectations will meet or fail once an event or time has passed.

There have been a great many things that I have hoped for that have not happened in the way I anticipated. But I have not lost hope. Hope for certain things has matured or changed as I've grow up, and grown in Christ. Also my understanding of expectations is changing.

I can not expect others to meet the expectations I have for them. But I can hope that they live up to the potential they have, and if I'm able, help them in that.

Expectations for the future need to become hopes. And hope needs to take on a more substantial role in life. Real hope. So like the ancient people of Israel keep hoping. Never give up that hope, for your children will see it, and perhaps they will be rewarded with seeing your faith proven. Maybe you will see it proven, maybe not. But don't stop hoping. Save your expectations for lesser things, and give your Hope to the greater.

Hope will never lead you into a black hole of depression, regret or despair. Because hope doesn't die. Especially if you place all your hope in Jesus...for He will not fail. That doesn't mean we will get everything we ever want...but can trust that he will give us what we need. And when we allow ourselves to desire what we need, our hope aligns itself to where it should be.

Thirtysomething...

So. Less than one week until I hit what some people refer to as "the big 3-0."

I'm not fazed one bit.

At some point in time I was concerned with being 30. Other times I was concerned with what I would have accomplished by 30. I was going to be married, have kids, making movies, publishing a book, be doing intense missions work in the heart of Africa...and so many other things were planned.

At least that is what I thought.

I was going to have made a name for myself in some aspect. I grew up believing the "you are special, and meant for great things," speech. I was going to conquer the world. Or at least be known at large to some portion of it.

Well, 30 is 6 days away, and I've not done a lick of any of that.

So I should be upset. Or disappointed in myself, or mad at someone. Right?

No. I'm not. Nor should I be. Life happens, and God smiles at the things we call plans. Like my plan to move to Chicago and break into independent film. I can hear God chuckling to himself, "Oh Jesse, if you only knew what I had in store for you..."

Looking back on my life, and my plans, and my decisions...I'm glad I was wrong about a lot of them. Some of them, despite the adage, "no regrets," I do regret. But I will learn from those, just as much as I will learn from the good ones. God can take the bad, and use them for good.

Some things I had planned, were preposterous, some grand, some just stupid. But I have learned many things about my plans and goals. Specifically that unless I turn them over to God, that is all they are. My plans. My schemes. Me. I.

Back to that old enemy...selfishness. I really don't like that guy. He's like a fungus that just does not go away. We can so easily be blinded by our goals and what we want, that we miss God entirely. Even if we think we are serving Him. I know I've done it, and I try to be wary that I don't do it again.

Something struck me at church yesterday. Pastor Joel read from the Bible, and quoted Jesus saying, "There is no greater love than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." Granted Jesus is talking about his sacrifice on the cross for us. Yet that phrase can so easily be applied differently. Paul says that we must die daily to ourselves, be a living sacrifice. Jesus also tells us that when we offer food to the hungry, water to the thirsty, visit those in jail etc...we are doing it to him.

Ok. Let us repackage that concept. We should be giving our lives for those around us in need. What greater love can we show to others, than to give of our lives, and expect nothing in return. No reward, no accolades or celebrations. Just give to them.

This is something I really need to work on. To give more of myself, to love more. Because in the end, it won't matter if I've won an Oscar, or been on Oprah promoting my book...because that is just celebrating me. What I've done.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not fishing for compliments or support here. I know I give of my time to the church, and I'm not trying to be some humble person unaware of what they do. But this is only the tip of the spear for me.

I feel blessed to be able to serve God in my church the way that I do. I know it has affected people, because I have been told it does. It is only because of God's grace that I'm even here today to be doing such things. I'm happy to let God use me in this way.

And that, is what I feel I have accomplished in my life. I haven't seen my name on the big screen, or on a top sellers list, but I know I'm submitting my life to God. And I have a lot to learn, and so much more to turn over to him.

Yikes. This really went off on a life of it's own.

In times like we live in now, it's so easy, even for Christians, to get lost or caught up in the "rat race." Going through all my stuff for the yard sale has helped open my eyes to this. All that stuff that I thought I had to have...the things I "lived for" in that time. Such a waste.

I pray that each day I can live for something better, something more than myself. I pray that I learn to give up things that I want, that aren't necessary. That God would change my heart and my focus entirely. So that in time it will be less about what I'm doing or have done, and all about what God is doing.

That's what I'm looking forward to in 30.